It has been quite a while since my last post, and I am not sure if that is because of my stress level, or if my stress level is a result of not clearing my mind through a post.
You know, the whole chicken/egg thing.
Projects need to be wrapped up, essays need to be wrapped up, wooden toys and gifts from my woodshop need to be wrapped up. "Grades" need to be wrapped up.
Everything needs to be wrapped up.
We have been focussing on understanding our learning styles for the past six weeks or so, and one of mine is that I work best when I can organize, prioritize, and create plans. I want to make lists, check off boxes, and move on to the next task as efficiently as possible.
Exactly the kind of guy you want at your holiday party, right?
As I accomplish a task, there seem to be two more to take its place. Some of that is the nature of life, some of it is due to my perfectionism. And so my list grows, and grows, until, like that exhausting song about the days of Christmas, it becomes a massive list that is more than I can manage.
How do I cut things? How do I streamline? How do I work efficiently? What's my secret?
I don't, and there isn't one.
I stress. I stew. I analyze. I do but do not enjoy. I worry. I add, but do not delete.
What starts out as a simple list of tasks to accomplish just keeps growing and growing.
And then I snap.
Maybe it's losing patience with my boys. Maybe it's not being able to concentrate to help my students. Maybe it's a sarcastic remark to my wife. Maybe it's all of those.
This time of the year is difficult for so many reasons. I absolutely love making things for people. I log dozens and dozens of hours in my woodshop while my boys are sleeping or resting. I want that new toy I am making them to be perfect. I want the gift for my wife to show how much I care for her. I want my parents to go crazy about the latest thing from my shop.
This time of year, I spend hours trying to figure out how to take all the knowledge I gained about my students during the first trimester and change how I teach to better meet their needs.
I don't want to cut any of it. It's all important.
That's where today finds me. Overwhelmed. Feeling like I can't do it all. Feeling the weight.
***
Then a funny thing happened.
I decided to take a break and write a post. I actually thought it was a bad idea given all that I need to do. But then I wrote that line about everything needing to be wrapped up.
It hit me. Yes, those things need to be completed, but why did I say "wrapped up?" Was I subconsciously thinking about gifts that need wrapping?
When I look at my To-Do list, there are many things on it. They are stressing me out and I want them off as soon as possible. But what if I looked at all of those things as gifts, rather than tasks?
Can I shift my thinking to view the things on my To-Do as opportunities to give of myself to those around me?
As I mentioned, I absolutely love making things and giving things to people. I know it sounds all Hallmarky, but it's true. Can I take this aspect of myself and make it work for me in regards to my stress and all that I need to accomplish?
So my challenge to myself this season is to remember that this is a time of gifts. When I think about the astounding and miraculous gift that is at the center of this season, I am humbled and filled with awe. The very least that I can do is to make sure that my heart is filled with joy as I give my little contributions to those around me. The gift of time. The gift of doing the dishes. The gift of sitting and helping with an essay. The gift of a wooden toy. The gift of a joyful attitude at the end of a long day. The gift of giving feedback for report cards. The gift of playing ninjas. The gift of finding a positive thing to say about a project. The gift of putting both boys to bed.
And so I remember that song. The one with the birds, and the drummers, and the pipers. A big list of stuff that seems to clutter everything up. But a list that is made up of gifts, all attempting to bring joy to those around.
I indeed need to wrap some things up.
